12 Reasons You Should Avoid South Dakota (Seriously, Just Stay Away)
Thinking of visiting South Dakota tourism hotspots like the Black Hills, Badlands National Park, or Mount Rushmore? Think again. As a local, I feel a moral obligation to warn you about the horrors that await. Sure, you’ve seen the pictures—rolling prairies, rugged mountains, and an endless sky—but do you really want to deal with all of this?
If you insist, at least consider these 12 reasons you should avoid South Dakota. Proceed at your own risk.
1. Too Much Personal Space – It’s Unsettling
South Dakota ranks 46th in population density with a terrifyingly sparse 10.7 people per square mile. You might drive for hours without seeing another soul. Forget crowded streets and long lines—there’s nothing but empty highways and wide-open spaces. How will you survive without dodging pedestrians and battling for parking spaces?
And don’t even ask about that 0.7 of a person per mile. You don’t want to meet them.
2. Shopping Nightmares – No Big Box Stores
Forget your Amazon Prime addiction—there are places in South Dakota where the nearest Walmart is a two-hour drive. Instead, you’ll be forced to shop at charming local stores selling handmade goods, unique souvenirs, and locally sourced products.
Horrifying.
3. No Wi-Fi, No Hope
Love scrolling social media and binge-watching your favorite shows? Good luck with that. South Dakota is riddled with wilderness areas, national parks, and remote prairies where Wi-Fi is a myth, and cell service is a luxury.
You’ll be left with nothing but actual human conversation and the torment of enjoying nature without a digital filter.
4. The Gold Rush Is Over – Finders Keepers Not Allowed
Dreaming of striking it rich in the Black Hills? Too bad. The Black Hills Gold Rush ended in the 1800s, and now you’re more likely to find bison tracks than gold nuggets.
All that’s left are pristine streams, untouched wilderness, and incredible scenery—what a letdown.
5. People Are Too Laid-Back
South Dakota is a land of flannel shirts, hiking boots, and zero pretension. If you enjoy dressing up for a night on the town, prepare for disappointment. Here, “formal attire” means jeans that don’t have holes in them.
You might actually have to relax instead of impressing people with your designer shoes.
6. The Caves Might Swallow You Whole
With **two of the world’s longest caves—Wind Cave and Jewel Cave—**you risk getting lost underground forever.
No neon lights, no handrails, just twisting labyrinths, tight passageways, and eerie underground chambers. If that sounds like an adventure, you’re already beyond saving.
7. The Silence Will Break You
No honking horns. No construction noise. No urban chaos.
In South Dakota, the loudest thing you’ll hear is the wind, birds, and your own thoughts.
Absolutely terrifying.
8. Even the Fluffy Cows Are Dangerous
Yes, bison look like slow, adorable, oversized cows—but don’t be fooled. They can charge at 35 mph, weigh over 2,000 pounds, and don’t care about your Instagram selfies.
And no, you cannot feed them like a petting zoo animal unless you want to become a viral headline:
“Tourist Tossed by Bison After Attempting to Give It a Granola Bar.”
9. You Might Have to Walk – A Lot
Hiking? Fresh air? Scenic trails? Sounds like a trap.
Many of the most stunning places in South Dakota—Spearfish Canyon, Badlands National Park, and Black Elk Peak—are only accessible on foot.
That’s right. No escalators, no moving sidewalks—just nature forcing you to use your legs.
10. Eye Contact Might Lead to Conversations
Imagine this: You make eye contact with a local, and they smile at you. Worse yet, they start a friendly conversation.
This is South Dakota’s most dreaded social phenomenon—people are just too darn nice. You might find yourself making new friends, enjoying small talk, or getting insider tips on the best hidden spots.
Scary, right?
11. The Roads Are Ridiculous
Love straight, flat highways? Not here. South Dakota’s roads wind through mountains, twist along cliffs, and offer knee-knocking overlooks.
Between hairpin turns in Spearfish Canyon, steep inclines on Iron Mountain Road, and scenic drives with no guardrails, your knuckles might be permanently white from gripping the steering wheel.
Good luck.
12. Monuments Sneak Up on You
One minute, you’re driving through peaceful wilderness, and the next—BAM!—there’s Mount Rushmore staring at you.
Or you’ll be minding your own business, and suddenly, Crazy Horse Memorial appears in the distance, reminding you that history is alive and still in progress.
South Dakota has a habit of surprising you with legendary landmarks, and honestly, that’s just rude.
Final Warning: South Dakota Isn’t for Everyone
If you hate breathtaking landscapes, friendly people, outdoor adventures, and a laid-back lifestyle, then South Dakota is your worst nightmare.
Still thinking about visiting? Fine. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.
